(Re)introduction

As it has been so abominably long since last I posted, my set of friends has changed so drastically (as have I) that I feel a new introduction of sorts is in order. Even among those whom I call my friends, very few people really know me (if anyone at all, frankly), due in part to my tendency to be somewhat of a loner.
I’ve always been socially awkward, and as a result (and likely contributing in large part to my awkwardness) I think most people’s first impressions of me are largely inaccurate and, well… weird. (^_^;) My interests and personal tendencies are all over the map, and I fear that those which are most readily apparent are neither particularly flattering nor properly indicative of me on the whole. My personality runs the gamut from very feminine to quite tomboyish, and my interests range from the very traditional to the very offbeat and unconventional. Unfortunately, the latter are what get noticed most readily. (-_-;)
For instance, many people would instantly recognize me as a huge geek, enamored with Japanese pop culture, gaming, Apple computers, and sci-fi/fantasy novels; a total nerd captivated by science (from marine biology to astronomy, ecology and quantum physics), theology and apologetics, even going so far as to attempt to learn Japanese on my own; and a bit of a dork, silly and (seemingly) random.
Others might see me as a rebel, with my purposeful rejection on conventionality, propensity to question authority, apparent inability to follow the rules, and ambitions to become a tattoo artist and open my own studio someday.
Still others may see me as a loose cannon, brashly shooting off my mouth on a fairly regular basis, always ranting about something or other, and often alienating people due to offenses taken or even simply due to the relative random or bizarre nature of the topics my rather impassioned speeches.
Now, while I won’t deny that all of these observations are to some degree based in fact, what most people either overlook or miss entirely are the other things that make me who I am, and which are far more significant aspects of my life. Of course (Murphy’s Law reigning supreme as usual), most of the good stuff falls into this category. Naturally. (-_-;)
My extreme zeal for life carries over into pretty much every area of interest for me, thus lending a somewhat “larger than life” effect to my discourses, and creating a somewhat skewed perception of me so that certain relatively minor quirks are greatly magnified, and vice versa. I have a very all-or-nothing mentality at times, so when I geek out (or nerd out) about something, I really geek/nerd out, because when I think something is cool, I think it’s about the most amazing thing in the world, ever. I’m mostly “on” or “off”. Add to this my and tendency for wildly fantastical dreaming, and my expressed dreams and goals for the future can wind up being blown out of proportion and be taken far more seriously than they often should be.
For example, I have mentioned to a few people that I am working on my art portfolio in hopes of procuring an apprenticeship to become a tattoo artist and eventually open a Christian-oriented tattoo studio in the future, which would also function as an outreach ministry (much like C28). I have always been very artistic (both visually and musically), and since I was in high school I have dreamed of running my own business, from a comic shop to a yarn shop (featuring my own line of custom hand-dyed yarns) to a tattoo studio. I discovered last year that I can actually draw, and my technique and art has improved dramatically over a relatively very short amount of time and small amount of practice. Over this last winter I discovered, and subsequently became fascinated with, the art of tattooing (and in February, that it really doesn’t hurt all that much, when I got my first bit of ink ^_^). All of these wheels turning in my head collided with my passion for the lost and the realization of what a dark industry it is to form the idea of planting a flag for Christ deep in enemy territory and also creating a place where Christians could come for their body art without being faced with profane, demonic, or pornographic images or vulgar language, etc., and also giving Christian artists a place to work with a Christian atmosphere.
Make no mistake, however: while I am putting forth an honestly rather small amount of effort in pursuit of this dream, it is only that: a dream. I honestly don’t expect to see it ever come to full fruition, and I remain completely open to, and actively seeking, the Lord’s plan for my life. I figure, even if His plan for me is different, I can always sell my designs as flash, or bless friends with custom art, be it for a tattoo or a wall hanging in their home. I think I definitely come across as sounding more certain than I am about my various “dreams” of this nature, however, which is why I bring this up.
Ultimately, my heart’s deepest desire remains, as ever, to marry a godly, ministry-oriented man who will lead me and our several children in serving the Lord and equipping them and others to effectively spread the gospel in this lost and dying world, able to defend their faith against any attack of the devil or the world, and to be an example of Christ’s relationship with the Church to the world. I am striving to attain all the skills and habits possessed by the “Proverbs 31 Woman”, down to spinning my own yarn (which I do in fact know how to do ^_^).
Ministry-wise, my greatest passions are worship, solid doctrine, and evangelism. I very much desire to visit Japan and do some missionary work there if I ever manage to learn the language properly, and after that, I would love to be able to tour the UK, spreading the gospel as I go. Having just switched churches, I am going to try to find out about serving on their worship team and use my gifts and talents for God’s glory however I can.
I have always been somewhat of an activist, I suppose, focusing on controversial topics such as abortion, evolution, apologetics, and ethics (you know, the proverbial “religion and politics”) since at least I was in junior high, and my zeal for the Word of God and seeing His Kingdom furthered on Earth has, needless to say, lost me a few friends and earned me a few enemies over the years. I don’t tend to make a fuss about differences of opinion or style, and I won’t even try to argue right living with nonbelievers, but when it comes to defending the truth, I am absolutely unyielding and uncompromising. 2+2=4, not 7. I’m sorry if my saying that hurts your feelings, but if you think 2+2=7, you are wrong. Period.
But I digress. My main point in writing all of this is to give you lovely, lovely readers some idea of who I am, and dispel some of the confusion I’m sure I tend to cause unintentionally. Expect to hear from me again tomorrow, this time on the topic of adoption and its implications for believers.
Cheers! ~ <3
P.S. I’d love to hear your thoughts on my posts here, so feel free to leave me comments or questions below! This way I’m not so much ranting to a vacuum as talking to friends. Isn’t free speech awesome? :D

Oh hey, look at this blog I found under my bed

I can't believe it's been over a year since I've updated this thing. This simply will not do. I am going to do my best to update this at least weekly from now on (pray for me heh). The first couple of posts may be drivel, frankly, but I need time to warm up and get back into my groove. It'll be good, I promise (how may times have I said this now?). Just you wait and see. Watch this space, geek at work.

Just another day in paradise

I got to chat with Stephan briefly this morning. He's back in Afghanistan, and he posted this article on Myspace about his platoon from last month. As you read it, continue to pray for him, and don't forget to keep praying for all of our troops!

ASMAR, Afghanistan — When the young American lieutenant and his 14 soldiers glanced up at the rock face, they thought that the major who had planned the mission must have been kidding.

Elijah Carlson, a strapping, blue-eyed Southern Californian and self-​proclaimed "gun nut," gripped the crumbling rock, tugged backward by 90 pounds of ammunition and gear. "If we fall back, we are dead!" he whispered to Lt. Jake Kerr, the platoon leader.


In seconds, a rock shot loose beneath one soldier's boot and dropped 20 feet onto another soldier below, sending him tumbling 15 feet to the base and cracking his bulletproof side plate.

What transpired over the next 16 hours was the kind of clash that's led Kerr's commanders in the Army's 10th Mountain Division, based at Fort Drum, N.Y., to conclude that there's no "victory" waiting around the next bend in Afghanistan, only a relentless struggle with a fleet-footed, clever enemy. For Kerr, a recent West Point graduate who specialized in counterinsurgen​cy,​ it was the first face-off with an often-elusive opponent and a case study in the complex politics of rural Afghanistan.

Kunar, where Combat Company of the 1st Battalion of the 10th Mountain Division's 32nd Infantry Regiment is stationed, is one of the most violent provinces in Afghanistan. Asmar is just 10 miles from the border with Pakistan's Bajaur Tribal Agency, which has been a sanctuary for al-Qaida and Afghan Taliban leaders.

The mission was to disrupt the men and weapons infiltrating from Pakistan and root out their staging bases in Afghanistan. The Americans had hoped first to confer with village elders, but after intelligence indicated that insurgents were in the area, they moved in with heavy machine guns.

Kerr's platoon moved for three hours in the darkness. Each time they thought they'd reached the peak, the land shot up farther. The unit came across enemy fighting positions, piled high with rocks and littered with food wrappers.

Afghan and American intelligence reports said these were "Bakt Ali's men," insurgents who lay claim to nearby villages in central Kunar. Ali is a senior Taliban guerrilla leader in Kunar who's thought to have direct ties to Abu Ikhlas al-Masri, an Egyptian al-Qaida leader in Pakistan. At each dug-in position, Kerr recorded the GPS coordinates of unmanned enemy positions, down to the 10th digit.

As dawn broke over the rocks, company commander Maj. Andy Knight, of Ann Arbor, Mich., set out on foot in the valley 700 feet below. Kerr would provide support from his eagles' nests as Knight attempted to clear two villages where, he said, residents had complained of insurgent intimidation. Accompanied by a reporter, Knight and a detachment of Americans and 14 Afghan soldiers stepped carefully along mud dikes, greeting Afghan children and their parents with a cordial "Sengay?" - "How are you?"

What Kerr, from Lake Placid, N.Y., heard from his perch above the valley was a surprise: Unseen men along the valley floor were shouting to one another like an oral tag team, passing the news that "the Americans have arrived."

Within minutes, three men - one in a white shalwar kamis (a loose pajamalike shirt and pants), another in a black one and a third in a brown shawl and gray pants - sprinted down the valley from the west with machine guns toward Knight's patrol, which was walking along a dry, rocky streambed about 1,000 feet away.

Kerr, 25, part of a new generation of American warriors schooled at West Point in the raw lessons of fighting counterinsurgen​cies in the Islamic world, spotted them instantly.

"They were running at Major Knight with AK-47s," Kerr said after the battle. "We opened up on them, and they began firing. But we had the three men outgunned, and they dove for cover in the streambed."

In the valley, the hiking party splashed through irrigation channels and dove for cover amid tall bushes that lined the stream. The chatter of machine guns fired from both sides echoed off the ridges and stone walls.

Knight, who played tight end on the Army football team, shot past in a blur to the front of the marching party. He didn't yet know that two of the insurgents had been hit. They were pulling themselves on their bellies through the rocks, desperate to reach a bend in the stream.

Within five minutes, two Apache attack helicopters buzzed the valley, scanning for enemy positions and listening to Kerr direct them to the target. "I was shooting tracers down at the two fighters crawling in the stream, and the other man in a brown shawl was shooting back," Kerr said.

Hidden behind a wooden shack, Knight's party could see the two Apaches sweep down, ripping up the stream bed. The insurgents had slipped just out of Kerr's sight, however, back up a bend in the stream and away from Knight's party. When the Apaches unleashed their Hellfire missiles, the men already had vanished.

"Dawg 1,6!" Knight snapped into his radio to Lt. David Poe, 24, of Buffalo, N.Y., a few hundred yards away, as he crouched in the rocks. "Are you near the woman in the green dress, tending to the animals? We are moving towards your location."

Almost all the males in the valley had gone missing, but Afghan women were trying to keep spooked cows and goats from fleeing. As Knight's party climbed into the rocks above the stream and dashed along the mountainside, a woman in a black shawl appeared, waving her arms and wailing, berating U.S. and Afghan forces as they passed. An Afghan soldier shouted back, incorrectly, "Back in your house, lady! They shot first!"

Knight stopped to catch his breath. "Do we have maps of these villages?" he demanded of Lt. Eric Forcey, 23, of Lynchburg, Va., who was at his side.

"No, sir," Forcey replied. "For all intents and purposes, they do not exist."

"I think they've existed for a long time, Forcey; the mapmakers just have not found them," the major replied.

"Yes, sir."

With "shhh-thwamps, shhh-thwamps," two more Hellfire missiles crashed into the rocks.

With constant translations of the enemy radio chatter in Pashtu, picked up through electronic eavesdropping, and the major's narration of the battle, events appeared to turn. "I think one of them is badly injured," Knight speculated. "They will have to make a decision to drag him out or leave him."

The U.S. forces, augmented by the 14 Afghans, were deliberate, at times cumbersome. From above, Kerr's men heard radio traffic indicating that the insurgents had slipped into a larger village farther up the ravine.

Enemy radio chatter also indicated that the helicopter strikes were landing just in front of the house from which Bakt Ali's men apparently were talking.

Still, this was a shell game with no certainty about the targets' whereabouts, and Knight - who spent a year in Kunar in 2006 and 2007 - knew it. He refused to order an airstrike on the suspected hideout.

Instead, he took Kerr's plea over the radio: "We can own this valley, sir!" He ordered two Humvees to rush up the stream bed and take up "​support-​by-​fire"​ positions in front of a group of wooden houses and dispatched Dawg Company's Poe to oversee a group of Afghan commandos, who'd search the village on foot.

The choppers returned from refueling. Once in the village, the Afghan soldiers went house to house, room by room. A cluster of women and children stood on a rooftop. "This is a virtual ghost town, sir," came Poe's report. An Afghan interpreter sniped: "It almost always ends this way."

Kerr and his men were tired and frustrated. No one had found the fugitives' "blood trails," which he'd hoped to follow.

As his men packed in their heavy weapons and began to pull back down the mountain, the insurgents' radio traffic intensified.

"We could hear them actually counting our numbers, and they were saying that they would hit us. A commander told them to wait until we were grouped." The insurgents apparently wanted to target only the departing forces and to avoid destroying the village.

Kerr's team hiked back down the ridgeline, descended about 1,000 feet into the riverbed, linked up with Knight's fighters in U.S. jeeps and reached for water bottles.

Suddenly, an Afghan interpreter, monitoring radio traffic, heard Bakt Ali's commander order the attack. Kerr dove for cover. The pavement exploded with rocket blasts and fire from massive PK machine guns. Carlson, 23, from Torrance, Calif., dropped to his knees, curling into a fetal position under a dirt ledge with his machine gun trained on the crest of the mountain he'd scaled earlier. One U.S. soldier was hit in the groin as he leapt for cover.

But Kerr's platoon's work was about to pay dividends.

With a rush of satisfaction, Kerr reached into his pocket and pulled out the GPS coordinates of the enemy positions he'd scribbled down that morning. From six miles away at their base in Asmar, a 10th Mountain artillery battery unleashed a torrent of 105 mm howitzer shells onto the enemy positions. In the twilight, .50-caliber machine guns blazed.

The day was over. No one was going back to hunt for the living or the dead. The insurgents had lost fighters, but they'd proved to be a wily, disciplined and mobile force.

The U.S. and Afghan forces had had a reality check. If they didn't already know it, they now understood why they'd been unable to have a peaceful discussion with the village elders. Bakt Ali's forces owned the villages, and until last Thursday, they more or less controlled the entire ravine. It would take more than better maps for the Afghan army and its U.S. allies to wrest control of them.

Ironically, I'm sorta speechless

I am completely shocked that this is my art. I learned this wet-on-wet oil technique from watching The Best of the Joy of Painting with Bob Ross on TV, and used his basic starter set an extra tube of paint and a few different brushes on a cheap canvas from Michaels while watching Les Miserables with Dad tonight. Within the first few brushstrokes I was sure I'd already ruined it, and this feeling prevailed throughout much of the process, right on up till the end, even up to signing it (that took a few tries, and I'm still not thrilled about that part). I still have a hard time believing that the wet oil painting on my kitchen counter is mine.

Come to think of it, though, Zach's right: the pine tree in the foreground does have a pretty crooked trunk. (^_^;)

Note: the snow is much pinker in person.

Holy WAR

So last Friday night/Saturday morning, The Well went to WAR, short for Waging a Revolution, which was an all-night prayer rally. It was sheer awesomeness! The Lord totally showed up in a powerful way, and the Spirit was moving in us like never before. I can't wait till we do it again!

We prayed for everything from our nation to our city, our schools, our family and friends, and everything in between, from 2300 hours Friday till 0600 hours Saturday, with short praise and worship "intermissions" between prayer sessions. I cannot stress enough the amazingness of it all. Really, I can't. I can barely think of any half-decent words to use here, out of my alarmingly sizable vocabulary arsenal. Basically, I'm darn near speechless. Which, if you know me, is kind of a big deal. ^^;;

I pray that we never lose that wonder that God Almighty hears our prayers, Who holds the universe in the span of His hand. That I never go back to my previously pathetic "prayer life", but continue to press on in growing in the Lord, in spending more and more time in prayer and in the Word and in fellowship with other believers. I am such a wretch, and it just highlights how amazing the Lord is to not only hear my feeble prayers, but to pray for me when I don't know what to pray, to intercede for me constantly before the Father! It just blows my face off that He would bother, but He goes out of His way to draw me in to Him! (@_@) Wow.

In other news, Stephan is back for another week and a half or so on leave. Hooray! <(^.^<)(>^.^)>\(^o^)/ Unfortunately, when he stopped by our house to visit, I was in the Crusade Office making calls, so I missed him. But I'm sure I'll see him around soon, so it's okay. Do keep him up in your prayers, though; it's unbelievably hard to go through what he has to on a daily basis in Afghanistan! Pray that the Lord uses him to minister to his buddies there, and for His continual hand of protection upon him, and all those in the 10th Mountain Division (and in all of our armed forces while you're at it).

Until next time, hooray for Jesus! (^v^)v~Victory!

Stephan Alemdar Update

I am such a slacker, it just makes me sick sometimes. (-_-") I've been meaning to update you all with any news about Stephan in Afghanistan with the 10th Mountain Division of the United States Army as I receive it, and I have been remiss. I've found three articles in the Press-Enterprise reagrding his unit, and I will share them with you now, in link form because for some reason I can't get flickr to accept these JPEGs:

• 17 February 2009: "Newest US troops come under fire"
• 26 February 2009: "US troops in push south of Kabul"
• 1 March 2009: "American deaths rise in Afghanistan"

Keep Stephan in your prayers, along with all those in his unit, and in all our Armed Forces! God bless America!

Just Get Married!

Every now and then, the Lord moves a servant of His to deliver a radical, bold, earth-shattering, life-changing message that affects Christendom for years to come ("Sinners In the Hands of an Angry God", for example). I believe that this message delivered through Pastor Ed young of Fellowship Church in Florida is just such a sermon. The title says it all: "Just Get Married". Gird up your loins, Christian soldier.
These days, it seems like fewer and fewer young Christian men are getting married (or even dating, as far as I can tell), and the average marriage age is on the rise. Single guys (very few that I have known are worthy of the title of "men") are putting off marriage at an alarming rate in order to instead pursue education, careers, and just plain goofing off. Meanwhile their eventual mates are put in an unnatural position of having to provide for themselves, when God never intended for this to be the case.
These "man-boys" are waiting until they've had their fill of carefree, single life, until they're past they're prime and set in their ways, to seek out the "wife of their youth". What they don't realize is just how arrogant this proves them to be: they expect us women to "look like Angelina Jolie, with the morals of Mother Theresa," and yet we are left to just take whatever we can get for fear of becoming an old maid. They avoid commitment like the plague, excusing their cowardice with statements like these: "I need to be 100% sure;" "I gotta 'feel it;'" and even the ultimately chauvinistic "What if someone better-looking comes along?"
Let me ask you something, Christian: Were you 100% sure when you first gave your life to Christ? I don't think so! Or do you think your parents always "felt like" not killing you in your teens, or that they let you live out of sacrificial love for you, regardless of their emotions (which are chemically based, mind you)? Oh, and guess what: There will always be someone better looking! Since when has a successfully God-honoring marriage EVER been based on the outward appearance? (Please don't forget that we have eyes too.)

The bottom line is this: If you have a desire for the opposite sex, it is God's will for you to marry! (1st Corinthians 7:9) Because, guess what: marriage solves most of the sexual temptation that plagues us right and left in this world and within our own sinful hearts! 

"When you get married... your sex life with your spouse will cause you to seek God in a deeper way, and in a more profound way, and even in a more passionate way.... In marriage, as we fulfill each other sexually, it will free us up to hear from God in a deeper way."

Pastor Ed talked about the new depths that your prayer life can reach when you are sexually fulfilled in marriage because when you're satisfied, you won't be all distracted when you're trying to pray; this reminds me as well of hunger: when I am hungry, I become very distracted from whatever I am doing, and find my thoughts turning toward food constantly until I am able to eat. Then once I'm satisfied, my mind becomes clear once again and I am able to focus completely on the task at hand. And though my own thoughts have not been straying in a sexual direction, I have noticed that the past few months have been incredibly frustrating for me with my own prayer life and worship because I find myself constantly thinking about someone in particular. (And if you think that either you can guess, or that I am going to tell you whom, you need to go take your meds because you are out of your mind. ...Let's just say that all of my trains of thought, no matter if they carry cargo or passengers, must run through the same depot. ^^;;) Back to my original topic now...

Other problems solved by marriage include laziness and selfishness, as you strive to obey the Scriptures and be a godly husband. Let's face it, guys: The greatest sermon you will ever preach is in your marriage! Ephesians 5:22-33 makes it very clear that marriage is meant to be a picture of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Bride, the Church. In order for you men to lead your wives in following Christ, you must exemplify Him in your own life, following after Him with every fiber of your being!

Please note, however, that I am not saying that this problem is one-sided; we women are not innocent victims! On behalf of my half of the family of God, men, I sincerely apologize for not striving to be the godly women that godly men deserve and need as helpmeets! We have neglected our bodies, the Temple of the Holy Spirit of God, by stuffing our emotions down our throats and lazily avoiding exercise; we have not been the pure and chaste women we should be, partying and clubbing with our friends; we have told you with our lips that we want to be pure, but with our clothing that we do not; we have put our own education and careers above developing those skills so vital to being a good homemaker for you, a good mother for your children; we have ourselves chauvinistically blamed all of our relational woes on you while doing nothing to ensure that we are worthy of the men we so long for.

Ladies, we also must rise up to be those women that the Scriptures declare are to "be praised" (Proverbs 31:10-31; Titus 2:4-5; 1 Timothy 2:9)!

But men, it is your duty to initiate the relationship, to lead the woman in following Christ, and to earn her respect for you as her leader. In those cases where the woman feels she must take charge and initiates the relationship, there will always be a measure of insecurity that she wasn't good enough to be pursued. Things just have a tendency to go badly when the man does not lead.

And for those of us who find ourselves twitterpated (at least seemingly) without return but who refuse to wreck their chances by taking matters in their own hands, I humbly suggest that you take more chances--ask us out. Don't play around, but diligently seek out a woman who can be a good helpmate for you, a supportive wife and loving mother, and don't wait until you're "sure". In my opinion (for what little it's worth), as long as God is being glorified and the devil is denied a foothold, it is in God's will. Don't over-think it, just follow the leading of the Holy Spirit and walk according to the Scriptures, and you cannot fail to please the Lord.

"See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil." --Ephesians 5:16-17

Ryan's Sweater, Part 3

Does my procrastination know no bounds? The following pictures were taken on 14 December, 2008, and given to me on 21 December, and I have only just this morning scanned them in order to post them on my blog. Robert and Melissa brought Ryan to church with his little sailor sweater on so I could see it on him and get my picture taken with a real-life Internet celebrity. ^^ And so, without further ado, I give you: the goods.

Isn't he just adorable? (^w^)

In other news, I'm back at the gym now (FINALLY!), and when I can't get a ride there, I've got that wonderful Bowflex (finally getting all the bugs worked out, and getting used to it now) to help me keep my muscles strong and burning fat. I'm learning the hard way, however, that I simply cannot get away with failing to stretch after a particularly strenuous leg workout, and not working out at least a little the next day. So, Dad, you get to say "I told you so." I deserve it. (-_-;)

Our family friend Stephan Alemdar, 

18, Charlie Company, TF 1-32 Infantry out of Fort Drum, NY, shipped out to an extremely remote and dangerous part of Afghanistan today (I think his tour is nine months). Please keep him up in your prayers, for him to draw close to the Lord and for the Lord to touch all the men in his unit through his witness, and for Him to supernaturally protect them from any and all harm as they relieve a unit that has suffered heavy casualties in this war or terrorism, this fight for freedom and security.

Also, my friend Aimee is undergoing brain surgery as I type to relieve the pressure because her brain is too large for her skull, and had been dropping down into her upper neck, giving her unimaginable headaches, etc. Please be in prayer that the Lord would bless the surgeons' hands as they operate, and that not only would He bring her through this trying time, but also that her parents would be driven to more closely seek the Lord as well.

Finally, all that stands between me and my ISSA Certification as a Fitness Trainer is my exam, and a CPR/AED course I take on 22 January at the Red Cross here in town! I am so excited to be so close to the finish line! I will be taking my practice exam today, just in case, and soon, I'll be working and able to actually pay off my bills! (>v<)

Oh yeah, one other thing: this Sunday, 18 January, I'm singing worship at the Eastvale Satellite Campus of Harvest! It's kinda scary, but also really exciting to lead worship on the frontline for the first time. And, I have to admit, it's extremely appealing to me that my call time is at 0800 hours, instead of the usual 0630, which requires me to get up at 0430 in order to speed my way to church in time (terrible, I know (>_<;) ).

By the way, my family is hilarious. ^^

Pray for our troops; they keep us safe at the cost of their lives!

Christmas stinking ROCKS! Part 2

I downloaded this WYSIWYG blog editor, Qumana, last night this morning, so I'm praying this will finally be the answer to all my blogging woes. So, here goes nothing...
So where was I? Oh right, the gifts. Awesomeness. ^^
So Friday I got my present from April, though I wasn't allowed to open it until Christmas (which I did as soon as I'd finished wrapping presents around 0030 that morning ^^); Sunday, Robert and Melissa blessed me with some cash in a card (did I mention I love them? (^w^) ), and another friend of our family gave us some pecan pralines in a cute tin (oishii!). Grandma Dorothy send us kids some money as well, and on Christmas Eve, Hilary gave me a beautiful pink and black houndstooth scarf/wrap:

and a tin full of the yummiest cookies. And let's not forget the cute little gold necklace I wound up with at the Well Christmas Dinner's white elephant gift exchange on Saturday.

Now, Christmas morning had come, and my wonderful mother gave me the entire Harajuku Lovers fragrance collection, complete with Love, Lil' Angel, Music, Baby, and G mini-spritzes, collector's drawstring bag, and collector's "stage" box;

and the prettiest pearl-and-diamond watch with a mother-of-pearl face:

(SmartBargains.com has got the most incredible prices on jewelry, I tell you!) She also ordered this coat for me from Victoria's Secret (they actually sell some great clothes!),

and she also preordered the Halo: Uprising graphic novel (brought to us by Marvel Comics),

and The Art of Halo: Creating a Visual World

for me a couple of months back from Amazon, and they should ship on Monday, 29 December. I'm so excited! 8(>v<)8

But nothing prepared me for the surprise I knew Dad had awaiting us the third-car garage: a near-mint condition Bowflex Extreme 2 (upgraded from the standard 210-lb capacity to 310 lbs)!!!

But, oh man, you should've seen the look on Mom's face when she opened the plain envelope Dad handed her to find a picture of the exact refrigerator she'd been looking at in to paper that morning cut out, with a promise to bring home the real thing! That's one thing she definitely didn't see coming! (^v^) Dad went to Howard's and bought it today, and it'll be delivered tomorrow. The coolest thing is that this is the first brand-new, mint condition fridge they've gotten (and boy, is it a cool fridge-no pun intended ^^;;).

Finally, I opened my inbox this morning to see a $15 gift certificate waiting for me from taking a customer survey for the Press-Enterprise a couple of weeks back. Now I can get those last two Halo novels from Borders! (^v^)v~Score!

And, as if all of that weren't enough, the 20% pay cut and cut in hours that my dad was going to have to take because his print shop hadn't enough work has just been completely reversed in specific answer to our prayers that their biggest client would increase their orders. In fact, not only will he not have a cut in pay, he will actually be working more than usual now! God is so AMAZING!!!

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory in the church by Jesus Christ to all generations, forever and ever. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21) Note the lack of a comma after "exceedingly": this verse is saying that not only can He do abundantly beyond our wildest hopes, but exceedingly so! "Glory to God in the highest, and on Earth peace among men in whom He is well pleased!" (Luke 2:14, American Standard Version)

Christmas stinking ROCKS!

Okay, so today was pretty stinking AMAZING. And not just because of the presents or the turkey, or even because of being able to spend the day with my family with nothing to do and nowhere to be, but because of the amazing gifts that God so freely bestows on me, a wretch among wretches! I mean, seriously: like it wasn't enough to give us His Son, and even after the way we savagely murdered Him, to give us Heaven for free, new mercies every morning, and abundant grace according to His riches and glory! It's too much! WHY?!?!?! (*w*) *Sigh* Isn't our Lord good?

I've been working the last few weeks on a lovers' mitten and glove set for Brian and April (cutest couple ever), and I got to hand-deliver it today while they were at April's house, since I only finished it at about 0130 this morning. ^^;; I was excited about how the yarn had worked up so exactly all on its own, and about the fact that I'd even had a little left over (about one

 color repeat), so this could potentially be something I could sell, either completed or as a kit someday (most likely as a kit ^^;;) if the concept was well-received by my unwitting test subjects although they ere actually the ones who thought of the moneymaking opportunity for me ^^. However, I was a bit nervous as to the reception of the gift: would they think it was lame? Would the gloves/mitten even fit? Well, I am pleased to say that all of my fears were unfounded: they loved them! <(^.^<)(>^.^)>\(^o^)/ They even modeled them for me for my

 blog (it wasn't until later that I realized I'd forgotten to take pictures before wrapping them

 and all... Oops. ^^;;) Here they are, the dynamic duo (aren't they adorable?):

That short visit was such a blessing for me in so many ways! Thank you, Father; You always know just how best the bless me! (^w^)

Even though our family had to cut back our spending, we all got some amazing gifts for each other, and mine started with April's present on Friday: the most kawaii Hello Kitty Origami Letter Set and Hello Kitty bubble gum! (She knows me so well! ^^)

Ugh. I'll post the rest tomorrow. Blogger is being evil again, and this little semi-post has taken over THREE HOURS. CURSE YOU, BLOGGER!!!!!!! "P"(>.<)

Ryan's Sweater, Part 2

This Sunday, Robert gave me some pictures he took of Ryan's reaction upon receiving his perfectly-fitting sailor sweater. He told Mom and me that once Ryan touched it, "he was all Mr. Giggles," so he just had to take pictures and show us. These being extra copies, I got to keep them,  so now I'm working on making this adorable little boy and Internet celebrity. Or something like that. To my relief it was soft enough for the little guy after all. How cute!

A Sailor Sweater for Ryan Benjamin

One of the guys my dad ushers with at church, Robert, got married just over a year ago (or maybe longer, I don't really remember (^_^;) ), and not many months thereafter announced the impending arrival of his firstborn: a son to be named Ryan Benjamin (or, as his father put it, "Ryan been jammin'!"). He and his wife are so sweet, I decided to knit little Ryan a sweater, and settled on an adorable little sailor sweater pattern very quickly. Based on past experience, I assumed that while I had way more than enough time to complete it before his arrival, my remaining on task was unlikely at best, so I was relieved to find that the smallest size for the pattern was for 6 months. Sure enough, I've only just finished it today, and Ryan is a couple of months old. (^_^;) Thankfully, the yarn I had at my disposal was wool, so by the time he's big enough to wear it, it will be seasonally appropriate. Isn't it amazing that God is watching out for me in every way?

As always with my knitting, seeing a young girl knitting in public tends to draw a lot of attention from bystanders, and several people asked about it. I finally replaced the batteries in my digicam, and took come very nice photographs before I wrapped it up for surprise delivery tomorrow morning so that all of you could see how it turned out. So, without further ado, I give you... pictures!!!

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

Lately my life has been just amazing, which leaves me wondering when the other shoe will drop, and things will return to my sad excuse for normalcy. Which then prompts the question: where did that phrase even come from? Here's what UrbanDictionary.com has to say:

Waiting for the other shoe to drop

To await an event that is expected to happen, due to being causally linked to another event that has already been observed. Gets its origin from the joke in the example. A guest who checked into an inn one night was warned to be quiet because the guest in the room next to his was a light sleeper. As he undressed for bed, he dropped one shoe, which, sure enough, awakened the other guest. He managed to get the other shoe off in silence, and got into bed. An hour later. he heard a pounding on the wall and a shout: "When are you going to drop the other shoe?" Thus the term "waiting for the other shoe to drop."

I mean, lately my life has just generally been going right for once: I have a few amazing friends whom I get to see quite regularly at church, where I have resumed attending the Sunday and Wednesday night services after a long (and mostly just lazy) hiatus, I have finally been able to start unraveling the cause of my sudden weight gain earlier this year, and it is starting to (slowly) come back off (^o^) due to my new eating plan (not a "diet," mind you) and stepped-up workouts, I have been getting lots of compliments from my peers on my appearance (which I must confess I owe mostly to my mom's hairdressing skills... (^_^;) ), and all manner of other various and sometimes seemingly random blessing from Father, to the point of it being just ridiculous. Some of these aforementioned blessings may seem insignificant and even petty to some, but for someone with my history of rejection and ridicule, they mean so much... (TvT)

I feel like for the first time in my life I really belong, and that I am actually wanted... And that feels just too incredible for words. I am truly blessed, and I owe it all to the Lord! One thing I know: my past heartaches and failures have prepared me for my future, which He has promised me is good (Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, etc.). I just can't wait to see what He has for me, and I'm so glad that He has used these things in my past to make me into who I am today. I'd actually be friends with me now! (^_~)

People actually like this crap?

I think the Lord has been poking me lately to reanimate this near-defunct little Web log, and He has lately had to resort to some very strange measures to get my attention... And He's got it.

Last night I came home from Bible study to find an e-mail in my inbox from a Messianic Jewish pastor on the east coast, commenting on this post from last year.  He said he'd been studying the title Scripture for a sermon he was writing for a student of his in Ghana, and stumbled across my blog on Google. He said it was rare to find so young a person with such strong convictions, and that he'd felt led by the Holy Spirit to let me know that I was on the right track. I can't tell you how much this e-mail blessed me; I felt as though I'd been stuck with a blessing grenade in the heart by the Lord Himself! (Apologies for the "Halo" reference; I'm kind of a nerd that way... (-_-;) )

So, tonight, I get a text message from Facebook saying some person I don't know has sent me a message. I come upstairs about 2300 hours, open up the message, and I get another tac-nuke of a blessing: he'd googled the same Scripture, John 13:35, and says he's sorry for the bad experiences I'd had, he's gone through the same sort of thing, and wanted to let me know that there were people out there who care. If it weren't for my parents sleeping in the next room, I would've burst into laughter at the amazing grace of God to a wretch like me!

I am just astonished at the glory of our King, that with all of the universe to look after, He would sent these two messengers to minister to me in just the way that I needed (though before I knew it not), and at the same time, remind me of how far I've come these last 16 months. Why on Earth would He bother with me? It boggles the mind.

Baruch hashem, our Lord is good!

Facebook actually isn't evil after all

I see now that I am just going to have to force myself to post on a semi-regular basis now, because if I just wait until I feel like it, you get lulls of five months between posts... (-_-;) So here I am, posting a new one. Hurray.

Well, my room finally got redone, and I'd post pictures, but it's kind of messy right now and I forgot to take pictures sooner, because I keep expecting further improvements and delaying my photographic endeavors until I feel it's really "finished". I will soon, I promise! (^_^;)

I've also decided to get certified as a personal trainer and performance nutrition specialist with the International Sports Sciences Association (ISSA), and then work at the gym by my house for a living. The awesome thing about it is that not only would my family's memberships be free, saving us $150 a month, but I would be getting paid to help people get healthy and fit, my job would actually make it easier for me to get my workouts in, it's close to home, it pays well, and I'd finally start pulling my weight (no pun intended) at home, easing the financial strain on my family! On top of that, the hours would be largely self-determined and flexible, and when I get married and have a family, there's a daycare on the premises so my children could come with me to work. The only "lose" in this situation is that I'll have to put to death my laziness, a price I'm willing to pay. (^_^)

I'm enrolling and ordering my course materials tomorrow morning, and since my credit card's APR just got lowered to 1.99%, I can charge the whole thing and pay it off myself, or with help from my wonderfully willing parents, with very little inconvenience. The whole deal, including the two certification courses, a weekend training seminar, and CPR/AED certification, will cost only about $1200! Once I start working, the savings in gym dues alone will pay for it in only a matter of months! I'm so excited, I can hardly wait! (^v^)

In the meantime, I finally ran out of reasonable excuses for avoiding Facebook, and signed up. I had no idea that so many people I know are on there! It's truly amazing how quickly I have acquired 27 friends already! At first, it seemed clunky and unwieldy, but I am quickly getting used to the interface, and I am already loving the advertisement policies. Unlike the often-inappropriate and immoral ads on Myspace, these all have been very tasteful, and give you the option of rating them as well. To top it off, the very first ad I saw, I kid you not, was for Knit Picks! How could I not fall in love with the whole scheme? (*w*)

I have been very remiss in putting off this post for so long, and by God's grace, I shall post much more often in the future. Keep checking back for updates! (^o^)"/"~bye!

The Hunter

Deep, deep, in the scariest corners of my closet dug I this day, till lo! I stumbled upon more poetry of old, which I shall magnanimously share with you now. It had no title, so I dub it now

The Hunter

There's a chill in the air tonight

The stillness runs deep in these woods

Snow muffles the screams

Silently, so silently, the hunter creeps

Closer, closer to the unwitting prey

Never saw it coming

Believe it or not, I wrote this in church waiting for service to start, with the original intention of writing a... are you ready for this? Love poem. *Sigh* Such is my life.

The Wolves

I've been rearranging some stuff in my room due to the recent renovating that started while I was at The Well's Refresh Retreat the weekend before last, and I came across this poem I wrote when I was seventeen, and studying Language Arts Through British Literature, including poetry, for my junior/senior year of high school. Add to this not terribly shocking discovery my recent promise to post a new blog soon, and I give you, without further ado:

The Wolves

They sing! They dance!

With regal stance

They run through woods so still

And prance and play

And still they stay

Rulers of the wooded hills

Over hill and over dale

They follow prey whose scent is stale

Till suddenly, a scout, she howls--

Her voice is taut

The scent is caught!

Their only competition owls

The hunt is silent

The kill is violent

The chase a wondrous thrill

The pups all drool

But know the rule

No food till Father's had his fill

The pack moves on

And though the sun

Is strong, the wind is bitter cold

Their camp they pick

Their coats are thick

All are warm, even the old

The snow is white

The night is bright

Overhead the moon is full

The stars the glitter

A small child shivers

Even from town he hears the call--

A scout has found

A thing profound--

A lame and wounded moose alone

The pack moves out

The cubs they pout

They're left behind with just some bones

And a sentinel

Their stomachs rumble

It's past time for a fresh-caught feast

The hunting slow

Because the snow

Has made grass rare to say the least

The elk and deer

And the moose queer

Faced with a dilemma real

Search on for food

Chased on by doom

To find or to become a meal

Alas! the wolves

Who ruled these woods

(Like royalty on high they reigned!)

Rule them no more

And from them were torn

By Man, over whom he let Fear reign

"And that's all I have to say about that." Aptly put, Forrest (teehee! No pun intended).

Goodbye, teenage years...

Well, yesterday was my twentieth birthday, and a pretty swell one at that. After so many fitful and tumultuous days prior, it was peculiar and very welcome to have a day where even the unexpected inconvenience of a blown tire and subsequently mediocre sushi were not wholly unpleasant. I owe my gratitude to God for that wonderful birthday gift, to be sure.

I'm a little irked with my current loss for words to properly convey that which I had planned to express here, so I think I shall have to continue this post at a later time. Please accept my apologies, and enjoy this little "teaser" post as well as you can, looking forward to a soon appendage to it.

Prayer Request

I don't know if anybody will actually read this before this post becomes irrelevant, but if you do, would you please pray for my dad and brothers and their three traveling companions? They are in the Arizona mountains, on the road coming home from Oklahoma, and they are caught in a blizzard so bad that even the snowplow is stuck. The snow is coming down several inches per hour, and they are stuck in their rented minivan waiting for the roads to clear. Please pray for their speedy and safe return, and also for the other stranded motorists's safety as well.

Thank you all so much!

Erin

UPDATE: Praise be to God! Within an hour of posting this, God provided a way for the snowplow to make a way out, and Dad, etc. were able to get out of the mountains safely, and arrive home on time that night! Thank you all for praying, and please forgive me for not posting this update sooner! (^_^;)

Homecoming

Just what is it about knowing that I should blog regularly makes it seem like such a drag, and sucks all the creativity out of me at the mere thought of actually doing so? What is it with the way my thoughts reassemble themselves all poetically once I finally do? And what do I type now that I've completely lost my train of thought? Hmmm...

Ah! I've got it: camp. Or more specifically, my homecoming.

I'd been deeply involved in my church's high school ministry since I was a freshman back in... was it 2002?--up until I graduated in 2005, going to the high school study on Wednesday nights and a sort of spin-off house fellowship led by one of the youth leaders on Tuesdays, singing in the fledgling Worship Revolution Choir, going street witnessing with the SWAT Team on Friday nights, and attending Sunday night services with my friends (and, of course, with my mom, being unable to drive myself). Me and my proclivity for developing crushes on people bound to break my heart and never know it had gotten me pretty depressed and was probably a main contributing factor in causing me to pull away from my friends, none of whom I saw outside of church, and before I realized what had happened I had become completely separated from that whole ministry, not even attending on Sunday nights, and spending Wednesdays in the main Sanctuary with my parents. I stopped attending on Tuesday nights as well after becoming fed up with the people attending completely ignoring me, and descending further into my hermitage.

For two very blurry years I spent a good deal of my time volunteering in the church's evangelistic outreach Office of previous mention (whether or not any of those posts survived the recent freak spontaneous deletion is anyone's guess), during which time I learned a very hard lesson in the importance of guarding my heart against those whose personalities seem taylor-made for mine but whose spiritual priorities were ambiguous at best. Because of the crushing loss that resulted I spent much of this last summer in debilitating nausea and indigestion, having stuffed my emotions deep inside rather than face the harsh reality of the duplicitous nature of the former object of my affections and my own failure in being so very foolishly deceived.

It took me several months to recover emotionally, but after a few months I returned to Sunday night Bible study, driving my brothers as my "excuse" to myself, and allowed the Lord to really minister to me there, reconnecting myself with some family friends and relearning how to interact with my peers. Finally, one sunny Sunday afternoon late in the year I suddenly realized that I truly had moved on. I no longer felt the desperation of still being single at nineteen with no prospects, and discovered a divine peace in my heart about my future. I distinctly felt like I had been through a winter season in my walk with Jesus and was coming into spring. I even resumed attending the Tuesday study in December, ready to try once more to connect with my brothers and sisters in the Lord, though still a little unsure of their reception of the fundamentally changed me.

So early this year, after several weeks of prayer and seeking the Lord, I talked to my youth pastor about getting involved as a camp co-counselor again. It had been two full years since my first camp as a leader, and that time I'd had to leave early due to my maternal grandfather's unexpected departure for Heaven. While I was preparing for camp and attending the pre-camp leadership meetings I felt the Lord might be calling me to continue and expand my pursuit of Christian fellowship with people my own age, so I began attending the college and career group on Friday nights, and opening myself more and more to the godly people I found myself surrounded by, who have graciously reached out to me like I can barely recall anyone doing before.

Once I got up to camp the weekend before last, I realized the incredible opportunity before me once more to pour my heart into the young girls in the church and comfort them with the comfort I have received from the Lord Jesus Christ, rediscovering a passion for the youth in my own heart, long ago forgotten. And as the Lord ministered to me at camp, and used me to minister to the girls in my charge, I felt Him tugging at my heart to get more involved in the high school ministry.

My mother had been struggling with whether or not to remain in the women's Bible study on Wednesday mornings, and finally received such clear confirmation from the Lord that she (and I) dropped out. I immediately felt the Lord's peace about it, as I wasn't really growing in it, and leaving my study group in the morning allowed Mom and me to get enough sleep to be able to make sure my brothers, who are both in high school, were able to attend Wednesday nights. This was especially significant for me since Tuesday night's studies keep me up pretty late (especially when I do things like this at times like this---yikes!), and I have been seeing so much more spiritual growth in my life since I started coming again.

So finally this Sunday night I was able to talk to the youth pastor's amazing wife before study about getting more involved in the high school ministry on Wednesday nights, and was met with eager approval (I really love this lady--she's just so sweet and godly!!) and advice. And last night, I was back in ministry, to the delight of a couple of my young friends, and to my own grea blessing. I am currently looking forward to continuing to deepen my involvement in the ministry and am met with a deep-seated peace and joy, and a feeling of coming home. No fear or trepidation hold me back now, but faith and hope sustain and propel me in this race against time for men's souls.

I am home.